I remember clearly, when you told me, about two months into my stay, that I should do just this. Choose my battles. Fight out those you can win, and sit out those you'll most likely lose today and try to win it some other time -- when you're smarter, or tougher, or both.
It proved true with the work part. For some strange reason, giving in after a long-fought battle was not as difficult to get over anymore. It's become easier to smile easily over losses, and each win has become more glorious. This is the job where you put your heart on the line, and this is where you need steely guts and tough insides the most. You always knew the right words, and said them at the right time. I wish I could say the same of myself, so that I could tell you how you make me choose to be better, smarter, happier, all the time. And how thankful I am of you for that. How thankful I am of you, period.
But I'm not too good with spoken words. And I'm not too good with expressing how I feel. I wish I could sputter out as much gut as she does, when it comes to battles of this like. Because she's clearly on the winning end. I've run this race farther, but I'm nowhere near half of what she's covered.
Do you like her? She's pretty, she's smart, she's funny, she's nice. She's everything you are, and everything that plain girls like me would picture perfect guys like you would end up with. You're the type we would watch the shooting stars fall for, or puzzle pieces fit together for -- romance made for the movies. You have the makings of a love story we could only wish to have. A love story I could only wish to have.
Does it matter that I've been pining for you longer? That I've been dreaming of you before she even knew your name? Does it even matter that I'm fighting out this battle without you even knowing it? Would you fight for me if you knew? I think not. And the likeliness of losing is so real, I'm not even sure if fighting for your attention is worth the mess.
"Choose your battles," you said.
I can almost hear your voice now. This one, I'll choose to sit out for now, if not for good. And someday when I'm smarter, tougher, and prettier, maybe I'll win a piece of your heart.
