I said I didn't want to find out whom you were talking about. At least, I didn't want to find out if it's not me, anyway. Well, today, without meaning to, I saw and found out. Something in my gut told me not to drop by tonight, but I let my heart run away with my sensibilities again and *kapoof*. Just like that, the misdeed backfires big time.
No, it wasn't me.
I wouldn't be this upset if it were.
So all the little meanings I've been hanging on to for so long crumbles to dust tonight. They weren't real. I knew that from the beginning. But you made it so easy for me to pretend they could be. Until of course, reality crashed in.
Of course she was the one. How could I have not seen it coming? It was so easy for you to ditch me the moment she gestured for you to come over. While here I am, orchestrating timings and venues and reasons to make happen what she could manage without lifting a finger: wrapping you around it.
She's understandably beautiful. And incredibly nice.
We're not too alike, far from it.
And maybe that's what hurts like hell.
That you don't like me like you like her.
That you never will.
That all this time I thought we were becoming something by seeming like very very good friends, we were actually just very very good friends nowhere near turning into anything more than that.
Why do you have to make it so difficult for me to believe that?
Why do you have to be so sweet and nice and charming?
Why do I make it so difficult for myself and keep on hoping against hope that there's always something more to what you say or do?
You never claimed to like me.
Why the hell do I assume you do?
But you know what, it's right, that you've been staying away these days for whatever reason. It might give me enough lead time to rebuild my crumbling fort built to ward off the likes of you. The likes who make me think I could pull off being in love alone.
Because truth is, I can't.
