It's been a hell of a week. The longer I've been here, the less I seem to belong. I feel so lacking and incapable. How timely that the Grey's Anatomy rerun last night was about knowing and not knowing (okay, forgive the allusions to cheesy TV series, but I really love the show, what can I do?) -- we have to believe we have what it takes to be doing what we're doing.
I have to believe it. That I'm here because I have something or else this grave I've dug up for myself will just swallow me whole and eat me up alive. I have to trust my instincts, my judgement, my capabilities. Not to be arrogant about it -- I don't intend to lay down my cards for all the world to see -- I just want to see for myself that I have a good hand. Sabi nga ni Sarah Geronimo sa commercial niya ng Charmee (HAHAHHA, now don't you wish I stuck to the Grey's Anatomy allusions?) -- ang simpleng galing, hindi na kailangang ipagsigawan. Or something to that effect.
I really want to love what I do, you see. But first I have to believe it can love me back. And as with all the tragic love stories of my life, it ain't gonna be easy.
Get over the drama, Mela. You can handle this. You can handle this. Believe it.
