Overnight, you can grow up. And things that used to mean the world to you suddenly doesn't mean a thing.
If I were to sit back and read what I might have published (or planned to publish) two years ago, I would probably laugh at how suddenly trivial my concerns seemed. How imaginary love lives and feigned broken hearts and impromptu text messages used to make up my "world" is a far cry from the real things I need to face now.
Making money. Staying tip-top in my job so I can keep making money. Staying away from office politics so I can stay tip-top in my job which I need to make money. Paying bills. Paying loans.
All of them seem a little colder than the warm fuzzy worries of a month ago. All of them seem to point to a certain adult decision I made just some weeks ago. I knew it was going to change my lifestyle. I didn't think it was going to change my mindset. Or my affections.
What do I care now if you seem to favor the company of others above mine? You can flaunt it all you want -- it's not going to help me pay the rent.
I wonder now, all of a sudden, if grown-ups are still capable of warm fuzzy thoughts. Of companionship, maybe even love if you're lucky, yeah, maybe -- I'm certain one will need it once in a while with all the drudgeries that is attached to being an adult. But the little, warm useless nonsense fuzzies, like sending "wrong texts" or indirectly implying that you MIGHT be in like like with someone, or drinking too much beer to feign tipsiness THEN indirectly imply that you might be in like like with the same someone.
Little things I suddenly don't have time to think about. Or time to scheme and execute flawlessly. There's just no room for it anymore. And, as I have learned, now that I am a self-declared official "grown up" -- looking for more space, usually means paying more.
And settling that part means I'll have to repost this entry all over again, too.
Well, at least that way I'll still have my Suddenly Trivial Blog.
