Been a while. Things have been...different. In a span of nearly half a year, I've made decisions I've always secretly feared. Seeming carefree is now an act I am becoming increasingly skilled at playing. No more of the girl who gets giddy with brown leaves at the sidewalk or little yellow flowers in her hair.
I'm grown up now. I have to grow up now.
So allow me to say things I've always been hesitant to admit. To others, for fear of being thought of as cocky. To myself, for fear of not having a vague excuse for my sudden throes of depression these days anymore.
Here it goes.
I like playing the favorite card. I like playing "your" favorite card. I liked how we had a secret language all our own. Just one twitch of the jaw, or twinkle in the eye would be enough sign that I get you and you get me.
These days, we just see right through each other, don't you think? You speak strange things I'm not part of anymore, engage in conversations I cannot decode, or some I'm not even supposed to decode. Your eyes are sort of glazed now, like you're trying to hide things you can't let me find out.
We've become relegated to small talk. Topics I thought were reserved for casual friends. Not us. Never us.
I guess I'm not the favorite anymore, huh? You've said so yourself. And now, I'm kind of lost.
But I have to grow up. Grow up and move on.
