That didn't go as I had planned. I guess I'm not as deliberate as I wanted to be after all. Sorry I couldn't be any stronger for both of us today. When you needed me most to be my strongest, I failed.
Like a double-edged sword, the liberating feeling of finally saying aloud what I've been keeping for so long, just had to go hand-in-hand with the awkward implications of why I've been keeping what I've been keeping for so long.
I do know it will be too much to ask for things to go on as they had been. I'm not exactly sure if change was what I wanted, or merely have my voice be heard. Either way, what's been done, has been done. A huge part of me regretting it cannot revert things to being conveniently un-awkward again.
Yeahp, that certainly didn't go as planned.
And while I have plan B's and C's in mind, we've pretty much settled how bad I am with things like plans and strategies. I can only hope you conveniently forget that conversation way way waaaayyy sooner than I do. (Maybe I should have talked to you over beers instead.)
In any case, thanks/sorry for whatever unplanned emotion what I said may have caused. It was not my intention.
I'm just lousy with plans.
Thank you for being so patient with me
I've been weaker than I ought to be.
Despair and jealousy blinded my mind
and I couldn't see how you were trying for me.
-- Alone Apart, Glen Hansard + Marketa Irglova, Once OST
