So I leafed through the earliest post of this blog...the first one. Incidentally, posted right before my first day at work --
Fresh Starts
It's funny, because honestly my two biggest concerns, starting work tomorrow, are supposed to be the least of my worries right now:
1) Whom do i have lunch with? and
2) Where is the ladies' room in the building?
I would like to think this is just my sense of humor trying to prevent me from worrying about the "serious" issues, but now that the questions have been posed, I find myself genuinely concerned that I'll look like the total newbie that i am and have lunch by myself, or have to ask the reception desk for directions to the restroom. As if the word "probie" stamped onto my employee file weren't enough.
Then right on cue, the "serious" matters come in. How do i fit in? First day at work is a whole hell different from first day in school, although others have tried comforting me with the thought, because for the most part, everyone else has settled in by the time i got hired so, there goes my hopes of finding someone in the same newbie boat.
*sigh*
You know how they always say that getting an injection "ay parang kagat lang ng langgam," but it really isn't? We all try to fool ourselves sometimes so we could get a good night's sleep. I so wish it would work now.
Funny, how 5 years later I could worry about very adult things when all I really wanted to know on my first day were my lunchmates and restroom directions. Life could really string you along before you know it, eh? You can never really picture where you will be 5 years from now, pala. But at the very least, you can veer it to where you want to go in the long run.
Five more years from now, I want to live on my own in my own place, meet with good friends and family during weekends, eat healthy, exercise regularly, meet someone, love someone, paint, paint, and then paint, whenever I can. Or maybe do Jeffrey Brown-esque comics.
I will let go of the baggage of the entries in between this and the first, and start over starting over. What better time than on my 5th year, right? Like I'm graduating from my first career phase. No more bratty, emotional, whining only entitled to the younger of the lot. I'm supposed to be well beyond that.
I just wanna be happy. And I want to write about happy stuff. Or, should I write about unhappy stuff, I will only write about them as a preamble to a happy bit. Otherwise, I'll just cry then move on. No more wallowing.
Only happy-ness.
Fighhtt!
------
You'll try and try and one day you'll fly...
-Still Fighting It, Ben Folds
