I kind of had a feeling this is what it would lead to. When you somehow make the grand gesture for someone, you always hope against hope that it will be worth it in whatever way. Instead, after baring your soul and turning your head from chance, it's the same old thing, like nothing happened.
What was I expecting anyway? Your undivided attention, after I snatched it for that one moment? Yeah, I think that was it. Apparently it was too much to ask for. After all the crying and the loaded jokes and the envy -- I realized, I didn't have that much reason for everything. It WAS too much to ask for.
And after it ebbs away, I only feel empty. Kind of hollow inside. And kind of stupid, too. To think I gave up my only shot at being free of you for another miserable lifetime of standing at the sidelines, wishing you'd notice me like you used to. Somehow between that moment of clarity and the muddled decision-making, here is where I end up. Right where I began.
Right now, I just hate you so much. I know you didn't mean any harm, but please just let me hate you so I can somehow turn things around, and make something useful of this mess. Make me do something for myself for once.
Maybe it's me I hate so much. I'm such a fool.
I'm just so tired of fighting for my place in your books. I just want to fight it out for me this time. So please, stay away.
---------------
Kiss today goodbye, and point me toward tomorrow
We did what we had to do
But I won't regret what I did for love
