I was supposed to open a bank account today, but turns out I missed lots of reqiurements when I got to the desk, so I ended up embarrasing my cousin (who referred me), and myself (who will have to show up again tomorrow and face the same people who witnessed today's mix-up) in the process. How quaint. I've been bugging my cousin all day and now this. I was texting her afterwards and she seemed pretty pissed off. Perfect.
I was supposed to come up with name studies for this account I'm working on, but the stuff I write always seems second-rate to me (and to my boss). Like I know I could do better, but my brains wouldn't cooperate with my drive. Bleargh. I feel like a failure and it's pulling me down whatever I do (except maybe when I brush my teeth, but sometimes I feel like crying then too.) This cannot be good.
I was supposed to be different when I got here. Because for once, I was around people who cannot pre-judge me because they're getting to know me for the very first time. I was supposed to be zany and witty and bright and confident and full of laughter and insight and good conversation. But I'm still the same old fidgety unpretty clumsy me. Greaaat.
Now I have no bank account, no face to save, no grace to recompose myself, no witty ideas, no interesting topic to bring up, no funny comeback to contribute, no monumental self-reinvention, no makeover, even.
-- I have a sinking feeling that I'm having a really bad day.
