I've been aching for some tikoy all week, ever since mum was given a boxful of hopia from Binondo. So last night, when I found a moundful of tikoy boxes sold in front of a Chinese resto, I nabbed my chance. And now I'm enjoying every bit of it. Tikoy rocks! (Man, that has got to be one of the lamest/truest things I've ever said for quite a while now, haha).
On another gustatory note, I'm trying my luck at diet again, after the longest time of giving up on it in exchange for trips to the gym. I feel the weight building up again and it's not helping my self-esteem much (among other things, which I'll fill you in on, later). I feel just working out might not be enough after all to lose a little more weight. I've been stuck at 117 for the past seven months, when I lost 15 in that same duration the past year. So I made some spiced ham sandwich on focacia bread this morning and I intend to have just that for lunch. I'm killing myself, I know. But it might work. Besides, I need to cut back on my spendings, too. Since I can't exactly cut back on my commute, hauling my lunch tab off daily spendings could do wonders.
I'm not too big on cutting back on going out come weekends, either. It seems that part keeps me sane for the week. It is really nice getting to hang out with my family and college friends and not talk about work, for once.
I've been changing, by the way. And he noticed it too. Even left him the remains of my evil little deed, which he overtly contested (yuuck daw, I never heard him say that before, except when talking about that PBB song haha) but did for me anyway. We don't always have to agree, but for sure he, I can always count on. I don't know. Dati, I would have changed myself overnight for him: dressed the way he'd want me to, be sweet and all-nice, be thoughtful, and all that. And I was honestly on that road, until he told me he was in love with someone else. Someone who didn't need to put that much effort to be the kind of girl he could fall in love with. I was crushed.
Christmas party ng office noon, when I realized he wasn't ever going to feel the same way. He just isn't into me. After all these years, I didn't give him much reason to not like me, and still he doesn't. I guess I just grew tired. So now I'm giving him a little list of myself he probably won't like at all -- but not like that would matter, right -- I've been a tinge more loud, coy, and sarcastic than I usually put on when I'm around him. And then there's this, to top it all off. Like icing on a cake. And I'm not sure anymore if this is the version of the real me I've just been keeping at bay to please him, or the real me was the one I always was but he couldn't love, that's why I'm changing. It's all really sticky, like tikoy. At least, now I know why he'll never feel for me the way I feel for him.
I'm almost begging him to hate me. Please do, so I can hate you back. Maybe then, it won't be so difficult to keep myself from messaging you in Yahoo the very instant you sign in.
Remember that night, I told you how I felt. But you were too distracted to notice what I was saying. Sabi ko, "mahal kita,******." It felt good, saying it aloud. It would've felt better if you reacted just a bit. All I got was a blank stare and an empty laugh, as if I dished out a joke you didn't quite get.
Yeah, I would really like it if we could hate each other. That would be simpler, really. Just the way we both like it.
